Sometimes we think that what we are doing is the difficult thing, but in reality, it is the coward’s way out. Leaving a messy situation seems like the right thing to do, but it is difficult to stay and fix the situation.
When we feel that we are not needed, not loved, not valued, what do we do? Do we take flight on the first thought or we fight the urge of flight. Can anyone really answer this question for anyone else? We find many advises on how we should leave the unhealthy relation and flee and on the contrary we find people telling us to fight for what is yours if you really believe it is yours. But who can really help us identify if it is what we really want? or is it unhealthy for us to stay in the relationship? When it is said that the loss of that person is greater who you loose from within yourself, is it really true, does it apply to real life or is it just for the books?
Recently I read that words, without power, is mere philosophy. When we say something to someone, we need to unleash the power, to our words, the power to make an impact on the other person’s heart. If we use words in our relationship but they do not have feelings or the worth, they are mere words and letters. They are nothing more than a handful of sand. Real words with meaning, make the impact, they leave mark on us and others like the joy of the first breeze of the spring time, but until then the wind between two people stays dry, flaky which is enough to crumble any relation into million pieces.
We take the easier way out when we do not want to make the effort of putting meaning into our words because we are unaware of the power of words. It can strengthen a relationship and it can break a relationship, all dependent upon the presence and absence of power in our words. But beware of the power you put in. Positive or negative! Do not take the easier way out, work for what is right! Fight for yourself at the least!
Many a times we are so confident that we know our students inside out that we tend to overlook their signals..
Children ask for our love and attention in the most amazing and unusual ways.. We look for little signs of help and attention seeking when we are first getting to know them but once we know them or we think that we know them we often tend to overlook those signs and then BOOM!! Our children react in the most unusual and unnatural ways.
These past days have got me thinking that we focus so much of our time and energy being teachers on curriculum that we forget our real role.. That is to love and nurture our children. To teach them life, to teach them to love life and how to make their lives happy. To teach them the value of people and moments and not the value of things and numbers. A recent incident shook me from within to rethink what I am doing. Am I fulfilling my responsibility as a teacher or am I just filling papers and checking boxes off of a to-do list.
Every day I wake up to make a difference, to make an impact on a tiny heart that looks up to me for help. Every day I wake up to see my children make life decisions that are based on valuable life lessons and to see them choose life over materials. To see them choose happiness over wealth and fame. Sure I wish all my children all the success in the world but not at the cost of their happiness. I wish them happiness first then success. Content over money. I do not wake up to see my children fail at being happy. I do not wake up to see them feeling inferior of themselves and I certainly not wake up to see them choosing a wrong decision in life that will bring regret. I am there, I will be there, at every step of the way. I will stop them, I will convince them to choose right over wrong. I will not let them fail. I refuse to let them choose the wrong path, I refuse to let them compromise their happiness, their life.
I promise to be there M! I promise to look for your signals of help. I promise to not overlook. And I promise to certainly not let you do what you did that day!
You know when you were filling out that job application at that great school..
The excitement it brought when you received your appointment letter..
All the ideas that you had for your classroom and student activities..
Aahh.. it all feels like decades ago, and somewhat stupid really when I think back. How naive I was to think that I would be having time to carry out the cute pinteresty ideas and the activities. Getting an activity ready that would actually excite the students more than me feels like a dream now. The work of a teacher is never ending. We literally squeeze in lesson planning in our me time if by any chance we manage to force ourselves into one!
Being a teacher is a 24-hour job because really you are thinking in your sleep and sometimes dream about work / students as well. Happens to me all the time! I have gone extinct for many of my family and friends because it has been ages since I have met them!
Gone are the days when we used to pamper ourselves to look good for our spouses, now we only think of what our students will think and will they like what we have done to our hair..! But isn’t that what teaching is all about? If you think teaching is just pouring curriculum into minds of students then I guess you are in the wrong profession. My to-do list never really gets finished, instead, I keep on adding to the list but I would not trade this for anything. Yes, sometimes (every day) I stay awake way past my bedtime and debate waking up every morning but eventually do wake up because I know my students will be waiting. Sometimes (every day) I worry about lesson plan that is unfinished, activity cards that still need to be cut, copies that need to be made, laundry that needs to be done, and many more essentials waiting.. but every day I keep on going.
I am not a mother myself yet, but I worry when my students get absent, are sick.. I get upset when they feel down, I get mad when they are angry and I miss them when I can’t see them! Yes, I miss them, Hard to believe but true!
People say teachers don’t get paid according to their efforts and I agree, but that won’t stop me from being a Teacher!
Just like a coin has two sides, unknown to each other, we as humans also possess multiple sides to our personality, all unknown to one another. Even we as humans are unaware of different sides. The one in view is the one we actualy know or is it that the one that we want to know is the only one that we know.. Rest we tend to block out, hide.
We often show the sweet face to the world, that is our front, our show. The dark undiscovered side is always kept hidden.. Locked away in a chest like a secret. But what if.. Just what if that undiscovered side tries to come upfront..
How do we tame the wild..
We are all people with souls of birds.. wanting to get free and fly to great heights. But just as the world enjoys locking beautiful birds of the world in the cages to satisfy their eyes with their beauty, there will always be people ready to clip your wings and confine you in a cage. Bounded by the walls.. we are told that the place inside the walls is the only world we get to experience.. Our life starts and ends there.. There is no escape..
Minds are trained to accept what is decided by the society, but one in a hundred doesn’t get trained. It rebels. Fights for its freedom. Insane it is called, but it keeps flapping its wings in the struggle to get out until one day dies of exhaustion and failure because the bars of the society are far more stronger than one untrained mind.
For the souls to get free and fly, it needs to die! Die more than once, Die again and again; for it will reborn with the desire to fly and struggle; once again dying of failure!
It just has to figure out – How many deaths?
HOW MANY DEATHS???
The answer is Unknown!
She called his friend, “Hey! Let’s plan a surprise birthday party for my love!”
“OKAY! I will let you know.” He responded coldly.
Little did she know, he called his friend, ” Hey yo! Your girl tryin’ to approach me man.. Control her dude.”
“Donot call my friends!!” His last words before she left, forever!
Often the first dawn of a new year brings peace and harmony to many, it is a sign of hope and courage. A sign that every dark night has a new dawn, that brings a fresh start, where you can leave all your troubles and worries behin and take that fresh chance.
But some times the dawn of new year may bring past back. one moment you are wishing for a second chance, a fresh slate, an unwritten page in the life’s diary, but what you get in return is something you never had thought of, It hits you badly in your face, knocking you down. Sometimes, you may have spent a well amount of time in rebuilding your strength and courage, got your life together, but life has always planned something else, and it keeps laughing when we are picking ourselves up, that do what you can do my dear, I will knock you harder than before.. It mocks you, makes fun of you, and when it really hits you, then you are left shocked about what happened. one moment you are picking yourself up, building yourself, strengthening yourself, and the very next, unexpected things turn up that completely shake you.
All the time, you kept crying, telling your self that it will be okay, it will be over soon. But you just didn’t know that you can never get the peace you want, the life you want, the YOU that you want!
Does that mean, we should just give up? or keep fighting? I am confused. I am annoyed. I am broken. I am furious. I want answers??!!
What did I wish for??
Just your love in return for my love.
Just your care in return for my care.
Just your consideration in return for mine.
Just your praise in return for mine.
Just your affections in return for mine.
Just your loyalty in return for mine.
Just your LOVE.. ??
Was it too much?? Did I wished for impossible?? Did I expect too much??
I loved you with all my heart, dreams and hopes, wishing I would be blessed with yours !!
But you just couldn’t fullfil.. couldn’t love me for me?
All my dreams – crushed
All my hopes – shattered
All my love – still fresh
You could say you didn’t love me anymore, but how could I return?? After all, I couldn’t give you what you wanted just like you couldn’t!!
I had to return the favour but in doing so, ended up hurting myself.. I want to hurt you, but the more I try, the more it hurts.. making me wonder if I really just wished for impossible ??
Staring into the sky, watching it unfold from dark night into bright dawn takes my breath away.. the one thing really special about the view is seeing the birds fly leaving behind the worries…
The freedom, the will, the strength to break free.. what not can’t you see??
Sitting here watching them be free makes me jealous.. the strength they have of flying free despite of the risks and worries of life.. the risk of the flight doesn’t scare them.. so little yet so much courage.. where as me, I am just waiting for life to happen.. waiting for feelings to go away, waiting for myself to break free from the love that holds me down, ties my wings..
For at this moment, I only wish to be able to break free from the love that is keeping me down, pulling me down and ripping me of my true worth.. but it all seems so easy to say but utterly difficult to perform..
How can I be like you, O bird..?? Taking the risk of the flight, making life happen before time runs out..
Can you still love a person that doesn’t love you back??
Do we have an “off” button for loving??
I wish there was a way to end the hurting.. even when you decide that you donot want to be unhappy staying in the relation, and you take one for yourself but just couldn’t help loving them..
Do you regret the feelings or do you regret the decision that you made in the first place… ??
Is there a manual for love and/or uninstall option, incase you need it someday?
All these questions that flood the mind..
But the answer lies within.. which is yet to be discovered?!